What Happens if My Child Doesn’t Want to See Their Other Parent?

It can be incredibly difficult when your child tells you that they do not want to see their other parent.

You may be worried about why they feel this way, whether you should make them go, and what might happen if there is already a Child Arrangements Order in place.

There is no single answer that applies to every family. The reasons behind a child’s reluctance can vary considerably, and the court’s priority will always be the child’s welfare.

Does My Child Get to Decide Whether They See Their Other Parent?

There is no particular age at which a child can simply decide that they no longer want to spend time with one of their parents.

However, a child’s wishes and feelings are an important consideration, particularly as they become older and more mature.

Under the Children Act 1989, when determining what is in a child’s best interests, the court considers a number of factors known as the welfare checklist. This includes the child’s ascertainable wishes and feelings, considered in light of their age and understanding.

This means that the views of a teenager may carry considerably more weight than those of a very young child, although every case is considered individually.

Importantly, the court does not simply ask, “What does the child want?” It will also consider why the child feels that way.

Why Might a Child Refuse to See a Parent?

There can be many reasons why a child becomes reluctant or refuses to spend time with a parent.

For example, a child may be struggling with transitions between two homes, changes to their routine, conflict between their parents or changes within either household. In other cases, there may be concerns about a parent's behaviour or the child may have experienced something which has made them feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

Sometimes the reasons are not immediately obvious.

It is therefore important to try to understand what is behind the child's reluctance rather than immediately treating the situation as a straightforward refusal of contact.

What if There Are Safeguarding Concerns?

If your child is saying that they do not want to see their other parent because they are frightened, feel unsafe or have disclosed something concerning, this should be taken seriously.

Depending on the circumstances, it may be appropriate to seek urgent legal advice and consider whether the existing arrangements need to change.

Where court proceedings are taking place, safeguarding concerns can be considered by the court and by CAFCASS. In some cases, the court may need further information or evidence before deciding what arrangements are safe and in the child's best interests.

The appropriate response will depend upon the nature and seriousness of the concerns raised.

What if There Is Already a Child Arrangements Order?

If a Child Arrangements Order is already in place, it is important not to simply ignore it.

A court order remains legally binding unless it is varied or discharged by the court.

However, this does not mean that a parent should physically force a distressed child into contact regardless of the circumstances.

If your child is persistently refusing to attend contact, you should consider obtaining legal advice as soon as possible. It may be necessary to make an application to vary the existing Child Arrangements Order so that the court can consider what arrangements are now appropriate.

If one parent simply stops complying with an order, the other parent may also apply to the court to enforce it.

The court will consider why the order has not been followed, including the circumstances surrounding the child's refusal.

Will I Be Blamed if My Child Refuses to Go?

Not necessarily.

The court will usually want to understand what steps have been taken to support the child's relationship with their other parent.

There is an important difference between a parent genuinely trying to encourage and facilitate arrangements where it is safe to do so, and a parent deliberately preventing or undermining a child's relationship with the other parent.

Parents should therefore be careful about how adult disagreements are discussed around children and avoid placing a child in a position where they feel that they have to choose between their parents.

Equally, where a child raises a genuine concern, it should not simply be dismissed because the other parent believes they are being influenced.

The circumstances need to be looked at carefully.

Will CAFCASS Speak to My Child?

Depending on the proceedings and the child's age and understanding, CAFCASS may speak with the child to understand their wishes and feelings.

This is usually done in an age-appropriate way and without asking the child to make the final decision about where they live or how much time they spend with each parent.

CAFCASS may then report the child's wishes and feelings to the court alongside their professional assessment and recommendations.

The court will consider this information as part of the wider welfare assessment.

What Can the Court Do?

The court has a number of options depending on the circumstances.

It may decide that the existing arrangements should continue, that contact should be increased or reduced, or that a different arrangement would better meet the child's needs.

In some cases, the court may consider a gradual reintroduction of contact, indirect contact or other measures designed to rebuild the relationship.

Where there are allegations of domestic abuse or other safeguarding concerns, the court may need to investigate those issues before deciding what arrangements should be made.

Ultimately, the court's decision is based on what is in the child's best interests, rather than simply what either parent wants.

What Should I Do if My Child Says They Don't Want to Go?

Try to remain calm and give your child an opportunity to explain how they feel without putting words into their mouth or asking leading questions.

Where appropriate and safe, continue to encourage a positive relationship with their other parent. Keep a clear record of any significant concerns, comments or difficulties surrounding the arrangements.

If the refusal is persistent, there are safeguarding concerns, or there is already a court order in place, it is sensible to obtain legal advice before making significant changes to the arrangements.

How Harrington Family Law Can Help

Disputes about child arrangements can be particularly difficult when a child is expressing strong views about seeing one of their parents.

At Harrington Family Law, we can advise you on your options, whether you are concerned about your child refusing contact, you believe the other parent is preventing you from seeing your child, or you need to vary an existing Child Arrangements Order.

Where possible, we can help you explore ways of resolving matters without court proceedings. Where an agreement cannot be reached, we can advise and represent you throughout the court process.

If you would like advice about child arrangements, please contact Harrington Family Law to arrange an appointment with a member of our family law team.