Can My Ex Make Decisions About Our Child Without My Permission?

When parents separate, one of the most common disagreements is who gets to make decisions about their child.

Can your ex change your child’s school without asking you? Can they take them abroad? What about medical treatment, changing their name, or deciding where they live?

The answer often depends on parental responsibility, the type of decision being made, and whether any court orders are in place.

What is parental responsibility?

Parental responsibility refers to the legal rights, duties and responsibilities a person has in relation to a child and their upbringing.

This can include decisions about matters such as:

• where a child lives;
• their education;
• medical treatment;
• their name;
• religion; and
• other important aspects of their upbringing.

A child's birth mother automatically has parental responsibility. Whether another parent automatically has parental responsibility depends on the circumstances, although it can also be acquired in a number of ways.

Importantly, separating from the other parent does not bring parental responsibility to an end.

This means that even if your child lives primarily with you, the other parent may still have parental responsibility and should be involved in important decisions concerning your child.

Do we have to agree on every decision?

No.

Parents do not generally need to consult one another about every ordinary, day-to-day parenting decision.

For example, if your child is spending the weekend with their other parent, you would not usually expect to be consulted about what they have for dinner, what clothes they wear or what activities they do during that time.

However, there is an important distinction between everyday parenting decisions and significant decisions about a child's upbringing.

Where an important decision needs to be made, parents with parental responsibility should communicate and, where necessary, obtain the agreement of the other people who also have parental responsibility.

What about changing my child's school?

Choosing a child's education is an important aspect of parental responsibility.

If both parents have parental responsibility and disagree about which school a child should attend, one parent should not assume their preference takes priority.

If the parents cannot agree, they may need to apply to the Family Court for a Specific Issue Order.

A Specific Issue Order allows the Court to determine a particular question relating to a child's upbringing, such as which school they should attend.

Can my ex take our child abroad without my permission?

This is an area where you should be particularly careful.

Whether a parent can take a child outside the UK without the other parent's consent will depend upon the circumstances, including who has parental responsibility and whether there is a Child Arrangements Order in place.

Taking a child abroad without the necessary consent can have serious legal consequences.

If you are planning a holiday and are unsure whether you need the other parent's permission, it is sensible to take legal advice before travelling.

Likewise, if you are concerned that your former partner intends to take your child abroad without your agreement, you should seek advice as soon as possible.

In some circumstances, an application can be made for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent a parent from taking a particular step.

Can my ex change our child's name?

A child's name is another significant issue.

If more than one person has parental responsibility, changing a child's name will generally require the agreement of everyone with parental responsibility or permission from the Court.

If you and your former partner cannot agree, legal advice should be obtained before any steps are taken.

What about medical decisions?

Parents with parental responsibility have rights and responsibilities in relation to their child's medical treatment.

Many routine decisions can be dealt with by one parent. However, where there is a significant disagreement about important medical treatment, it may be necessary for the Court to determine what should happen.

As with any application concerning a child, the focus will be on the child's welfare rather than simply which parent disagrees with the other.

Does the parent the child lives with get the final say?

Not automatically.

It is a common misconception that the parent with whom a child lives has greater parental responsibility or automatically gets the final say.

Even where a Child Arrangements Order provides that a child lives with one parent, this does not generally remove the other parent's parental responsibility.

Parents may therefore still need to consult one another about significant decisions affecting their child.

What if my ex makes decisions without telling me?

The first step will depend upon what has happened.

For relatively minor issues, it may be possible to resolve matters through communication between the parents or through mediation.

Where the issue is more significant, urgent or cannot be agreed, an application to the Family Court may be necessary.

Depending upon the circumstances, you may consider applying for:

A Specific Issue Order

This asks the Court to decide a particular issue where the parents cannot agree.

For example, this might relate to:

• which school a child should attend;
• a particular medical issue;
• religious upbringing; or
• another specific question concerning the child's upbringing.

A Prohibited Steps Order

This asks the Court to prevent someone from taking a particular step in relation to a child.

For example, an application may be considered where there are concerns about a parent removing a child from the country or taking another significant step without agreement.

A Child Arrangements Order

Where the wider disagreement relates to where the child should live or how and when they spend time with each parent, a Child Arrangements Order may be appropriate.

Related: [What is a Child Arrangements Order? – link to blog]

What will the Court consider?

The Court's paramount consideration when making decisions about a child is the child's welfare.

The Court is not there to decide which parent is “right” or “wrong” simply because they disagree.

Instead, it will consider what arrangement or decision is in the child's best interests, taking into account the individual circumstances of that child and family.

Wherever possible, parents are encouraged to resolve disagreements without court proceedings. Mediation can often help parents discuss their concerns and try to reach an agreement.

However, there will be circumstances where agreement is not possible or where the situation is sufficiently urgent that legal advice and court intervention may be required.

Do you need advice about a decision concerning your child?

If your former partner is making significant decisions about your child without involving you, or you and your former partner cannot agree about an important aspect of your child's upbringing, it is important to understand your legal position before taking further steps.

At Harrington Family Law, we can advise you about parental responsibility, Child Arrangements Orders, Specific Issue Orders and Prohibited Steps Orders and help you understand the options available to you.

We offer a free 30-minute initial consultation to discuss your circumstances and how we may be able to help.

Contact Harrington Family Law today to arrange an appointment with a member of our family law team.